Launch

04.15.22

I have not been keeping up with this blog, so I am going to try to summarize what’s been going on as much as I can.

Currently, I’m in full music launch mode. As of this point, all of my music (minus one bonus track) has been sent for distribution. I’ve released my first two singles, “Rather Hurt You Now” and “What I’ve Got.” My EP along with the Dandelion music video is coming out on May 5th. The single releases have been okay. I don’t have the marketing dollars (yet) to put behind them the way I wanted to originally, so they’re not doing as good as I know they could be doing had I been able to execute my initial plans. On a positive note, it’s nice to be able to assess where I am organically before diving into that. Something pleasantly surprising that happened was that "Rather Hurt You Now" got over 8 thousand views on YouTube on it's own. I’m not sure why or how but it’s encouraging to see.

I haven't gotten any news coverage in the likes of Billboard or Rolling Stone like I'd hoped, but there have been some highlights PR-wise. I am being featured on an ACM Spotify playlist, which doesn’t have a lot of followers so it isn’t helping as far as streaming goes, but it is an exciting and notable feature nonetheless.

My mom is going to help me pay to advertise on a big billboard downtown Nashville on release day, so that’s exciting. It makes the whole thing feel more legitimate. It’s the way I want to feel about my work. These are the types of ways to shake that imposter syndrome and take yourself seriously as an artist.

I’ve also decided that I’m going to put my tax return money behind this project. I’m getting roughly 3k and that’s enough to do a lot of the things I had wanted to, maybe just on a smaller scale. At first I had decided to do the “responsible thing” and use all of that money to pay off debt, but I realized I need to go big or go home. I worked too hard on this music not to give it the chance and the launch it deserves. Who knows when I’ll be able to afford to record new music next? This is what I moved here for. I can’t slow down, not at the end of the marathon. It’s time to go big or go home. I’m confident in this decision and I think being gusty here will pay off. If it doesn’t, at least I will know that I tried and I won’t be haunted by regret or "what ifs,"

I will still have to make tough calls though. What matters more? Streaming? Radio? Social media promo? I’m not sure. I’ll just have to do my own research and trust my gut. In a way, I feel like I’m going to a casino, or just throwing money at different things hoping something will catch. I guess that’s what this industry is in a nutshell. Throw enough spaghetti at the wall (after cooking it to the right temp) something is bound to stick one day, right?

Here are some setbacks I’ve been dealing with. I got sick a while back and it has lingered and evolved. It started out like the flu, developed into a sinus thing, and then a wicked cough. I’ve had to go to the ER twice, once for trouble breathing, and once for chest pain. I still have a sharp pain in my left rib. It’s making my day job more difficult because it involves a lot of physical activity and high energy. I’m hoping for the best but it’s been hard to stay positive while feeling physically depleted.

Besides that, I’ve been doing well with my debt repayment plan and I have an appointment with a new therapist. Hoping this works out differently than the last time. I’m also still dealing with car troubles and am probably going to have to figure something else out with that. I’ve decided I’m not going to let that ruin the rest of my weekend.

05.04.23

I haven’t written a ton in here because I’ve been pretty stressed lately. Nothing major, car stuff, personal stuff, trying to keep up with my own life etc. I don’t want to lament about that as much here anymore. I actually did find a good therapist who didn’t weird me out. We’ve only had two sessions and I nearly forgot about the second one but so far so good on that front.

However, today I decided I wasn’t going to let anything get me down because it’s release day. I’ve worked so hard for this and I deserve to be happy and you know what? I am! I’m happy and excited and everything feels right. It does feel a bit surreal, after all of this build-up, it’s hard for me to believe that my EP is actually out there in the world, but I feel satisfied with where I’m at for the first time in a long time. I’m CHOOSING to be happy today because I deserve nothing less after all the hard work I put in.

05.08.23

I just had the most incredible weekend maybe of my life.

To kick things off, Friday (during the day) was release day. With some help from my mom, I was able to buy some ad space on the billboard downtown for the day. This is something I counted out previously because it wasn’t as strategic for me to spend my limited budget on it, but with the generous assistance I got, I was able to make it happen, and boy was I glad I did.

Seeing myself up on that billboard was a big moment for me. The coolest part was seeing the other ads from huge artists up there with me like Ed Sheeran, the Jonas Brothers, and Luke Bryan. It made me feel like for the first time in a long time, I was worthy of being here. I’m chasing my dream and putting in all of this work and goddamn it I deserve to be up there. So I really just savored the moment, got the photo op, and I’ll have that forever, no matter where my career goes from here. Of all the weekends to have a billboard, this was a good one. With Taylor Swift in town and some other events going on, there was a lot more traffic downtown than usual, which is normally a nuisance but today was an opportunity. I hadn’t had time or energy to put together a release party or anything (and since the hotels were all booked for Taylor my family wouldn’t be able to come in this weekend anyway) I had a simple celebration with a few girlfriends at my favorite restaurant. I also got my hair done, which on its own makes me feel like I can take on the world.

The next day…. Wow that next day. When I tell you I don’t even know how to describe how amazing that concert was…I feel like it may have changed the trajectory of my life based on the good vibes alone.

Everything went right. We’d been worried about rain all week but what we got was the most beautiful night we could ask for. Our Uber was able to drop us off really close to the entrance and to our delight, and we walked right in with no line. The merch line was minimal, as well as the bathroom line and the concessions. Overall it just felt like the stars were aligning for us that day.

Then, the concert began and I felt like I was a little kid experiencing the magic of Disney World for the first time. I haven’t felt such a sense of awe and excitement like that in a long time. We had nosebleed seats but that was actually a plus because The light-up bracelets everyone in the crowd had on made us all part of the magic, and the aerial view of the stage allowed us to see every detail. You could tell this show was designed to have big enough elements for everyone to see, whether it be a stage dive or a snake slithering across the stage, it was a beautiful sight to behold that those with front-row floor seats missed out on.

I couldn’t help but think to myself that THIS is the kind of show I want to be able to put on one day. Taylor gets it. She gets what it takes to make a performance special. There were huge details but the little ones, the in-between moments like the seamless song and era transitions are what made the show special for me. I'd call it "global superstar meets Broadway show." It was everything I needed and so much more.

The only thing I’d have changed about the show was the fact that my favorite song of hers, Out of the Woods, wasn’t on the set list. I didn’t even allow myself to hope that she’d play it during her surprise acoustic sets (that change per show) because I figured being back in Nashville she’d be nostalgic and want to play some of her older stuff. Even when she said the song was from the 1989 album and asks the same question over and over, I still couldn’t really believe or process what was about to happen. And then it happened. What are the odds that at my particular show, she plays that particular song, out of all the songs in her discography? Not only that, but she sang the bridge TWICE.

This felt like a sign. It felt like a sign that I was on the right track, because how does that happen the week I release my own music and not be a sign?

I’m still on a high from that night, but I must admit, going into Monday’s workday felt like turning back into a pumpkin. I just had the most incredible time, and the post-concert depression is real. I’ve still got some work to do and some music to promote and release, so I’m trying to keep my energy up and ride that high as far as I can.

One thing that did uplift my spirits a little bit was my music being featured on Nashville’s Radio Sobro. They not only played two of my songs back to back during two-time blocks that day, but they gave me a really kind introduction. It definitely made me feel legit.

Money remains an obstacle, and I’m pretty impatient, but I’m trying to remind myself that there’s no expiration date on promoting my music. I’ve got all the time in the world to promote each and every one of these songs when I can afford it. I feel a sense of urgency still, but I’m trying to remind myself that it all works out in divine timing, much like this weekend.

This weekend didn’t erase the obstacles and struggles I’m still up against, but it did give me renewed energy and determination. I’m going to keep telling myself that I’ll fill up a stadium like that one day and it will be true.

Regardless of where my career goes, I’m so grateful for the risks that I’ve taken because I’ve already had so many incredible experiences because of them. Had I not taken the risk and moved to Nashville four years ago, I may have never attended this concert. I’d never have seen myself on a billboard next to big celebrities, I wouldn’t have met all the wonderful people I’ve met and made the memories I’ve made. I recognize this and remind myself this when things get tough. It’s all about the climb like Miley said and for the first time in a long time, I’m enjoying it.